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Tuesday 30 August 2011

Golden Rules of Farming. Part 3

#51. The motor that will not start for your wife after hours of trying starts first time when you try. And it's your fault.

#52. The distance a loose lamb squirts while in the marking cradle is proportional to how wide your mouth is open.

#53. Dogs with thousands of acres to roam crap on the lawn.

#54. Stockies can be covered from head to toe in dust, mud, blood, shit and piss, but one drop of hydraulic oil and they lose their freakin' minds.

#55. It is poor form to offer your wife welding gloves after you have given her third degree burns.

#56. When welding, the electric current takes the most direct route from electrode to earth clamp. Unless your wife is holding for you, then it seems to divert through her. Again, your fault.

#57. The bigger the droplet of hot slag the more likely it is to fall down the front of your boot.

#58. Grain trucks fill much quicker with the roll tarps off.

#59. The drive shaft on the field bins only break when they are full, never when they are empty.

#60. You can fix anything on a Honda engine with a 10mm spanner.

#61. Sheep always tread on your toes when in the yards. Unless you are wearing steel cap boots. Then they tread on the top of your foot just past where the steel cap finishes.

#62. That magic time of the day just before dark when the crops look ten times better and the stock ten times fatter is known as Bank Managers Hour. Time their visits accordingly.

#63. Live export companies don't know what Christmas, Easter or Public Holidays are.

#64. Before accusing the recieval depot operator of pinching your stock when the numbers are short on delivery, check the paddock you mustered first. Turning up the next day with a ute load of sheep is not a good look.

#65. Driving across a freshly seeded paddock is punishable by death.

#66. Before calling the neighbour to collect their cow you've just shot for wandering into your crop for the tenth time, first be absolutely sure it's not actually your cow.

#67. You get no respect when you turn up at a bushfire in a little Suzuki Stockman with a 500L fire unit..

#68. You gain some respect at a bushfire when you roar past all the Landcruisers bogged to the axles in sand in your little Suzuki Stockman.

#69. With in five minutes of smoke appearing out of your harvester thirty neighbours will have pulled up with their fire units. One will have already rung the pub to organise the beer, and the sandwiches are on their way.

#70. The first fire of the summer is not the best place to see if your fire unit starts.

#71. Locusts and motorbikes do not mix.

#72. The big brave sheepdog barking madly at a stroppy ram is the first to hide behind you when the ram stamps his foot.

#73. Nothing is sacred in a mouse plague.

#74. When working sheep in the yards. There's always one.

#75. Rams and wethers are tagged in the left ear. Ewes are tagged in the right. It's not that complicated.

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GB said...

I laughed hard at the first 2 now followed by this...PRICELESS

Kids, Cattle and Mobile Phones said...

BAHAHAHAHAH I had a Suzuki Jimny when I was in the NT, the boys all laughed at me with all their tuff utes. Until the wet came early and the Jimny was the only car that could get to town (even above the cruisers). If it got bogged in the black soil, it could be lifted out!

Anonymous said...

Where are the previous posts part 1 & 2?

CountryMouse said...

51 goes for the generator as well and 52 is the same rule applied to baby boys ... loving it.

Philip Honey said...

Loving the work michael, keep it up! just a quick query regarding #75. is that our right, or their right for the ewes!?!? :P

Shirrelle J said...

Love these!!!

They are so true!

Ben Morris said...

#60.5 When your honda engine breaks down, your 10mm spanner will be the only one missing out of an otherwise complete set.