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Thursday, 25 August 2011

Golden Rules of Farming. - Part 2

To continue on.....

#26. The neighbour will always have better crop yields / sale price / lambing percentages. Unless it's a drought. Then he'll have worse crop yields / sale price / lambing percentages.

#27. An old ewe that has happily walked five kilometres in the muster will sit down and sulk fifty metres from the gate.

#28. A human being / ute / motorbike or tractor looks exactly the same as it's mother to a new born lamb.

#29. A new born lamb chasing after what it thinks is it's mother is exceptionally fast.

#30. Beware the calf playing doggo in long grass, for you will break your neck.

#31. After not seeing a living soul for weeks, visitors will turn up the one time you walk naked to the clothesline. (Thank you to Bernadette )

#32 Warranty expires 3 weeks before something breaks.

#33. Never underestimate the drought breaking properties of cutting hay.

#34. When filling the chaser bin for the first time, make sure all clean out doors are closed prior to filling. A 2km long sheep feed trail is never approved of.

#35. Hay string is an approved building product.

#36. Footrot Flats is not a comic strip. It is a How-To Manual.

#37. The time taken for a dropped windmill column to hit the bottom of the well / bore is exactly the same time it takes to use every expletive under the sun.

#38. Sump oil breeds.

#39. Anti-sieze is illegal in machinery assembly factories.

#40. Beware the left hand threaded wheel nut, for you will look like a fool otherwise.

#41. Dorper lambs could not be contained with a chain wire fence and a security guard. They are the epitome of "Free Range."

#42. The chances of seeing a wild dog doubles if you leave your rifle home.

#43. Everything breaks the day you drive out the gate on holidays. (Thank you Glenda.)

#44. A slightly crooked new fence will hold stock just as well as a dead straight one. It is not worth your marriage.

#45. The distance your ute runs out of fuel or gets bogged from home is directly related to the weather conditions and what shoes you are wearing.

#46. Beware the horse with twitchy ears.

#47. When assisting the lovely young female vet milking stud stock, keep your mouth shut and politely look the other way.

#48. Roo shooting is not considered a romantic night out.

#49. Boomspray foam markers were designed by a sadistic bastard who took great delight in pefecting the art of developing foam that evaporates by the time you arrive at the next lap of the paddock.

#50. When using an auto steer guidance system at night, first ensure the headland alarm is loud enough to wake you. Nobody appreciates a seeding run through two creeks, four paddocks and a main road, no matter how straight it is.

7 comments:

Kids, Cattle and Mobile Phones said...

#33 laying 10km of poly pipe uphill in 40C+ heat with 80% humidity also has drought breaking abilities. First drops of rain fell as the last joiner was tightened.

Alison Fairleigh said...

Brilliant once again. Have shared it on Twitter this afternoon so hopefully you'll see a spike in views. :-)

Becky said...

I am worried about #41 and love #50! Thanks for the giggle

Andrew said...

more LOL's. Good stuff

Bushgovo said...

This is priceless...I laughed and laughede and will be sharing this blog with many of my property friends and family.

Sam said...

26 & 27 dead right!
33 is well represented this year and i thought i was the only one who swore at machinery assemblers for not using anti-seize!

Vi Adam said...

Your blog is very interesting and your rules of farming is really working. I have a little farm about 5 years and I know that it's very hard work. we grow fruit, vegetables and crops, raise chickens, pigs and rabbits. After five years of farming, I realized that the garden tools and garden equipment is a very important part of gardening services. The inventory must be a high quality, it is very important. I recently found a great company APROMERA. I buy equipment only there. You should know that the company is trying to produce eco-friendly and safe product. There are such equipment as galvanized buckets, coloured buckets, spades, shovels, snow shovels, rakes and etc . If your are interested, please, look company's website http://apromera.com