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Friday 27 January 2012

Golden Rules of Farming Part 7

#151. Always remember to put the draw bar pin in after backing up to whatever you are planning to tow.

#152. After remembering to put the drawbar pin in, also remember the clip that stops it bouncing out again as you go along. The trailer hitting the dirt as you drive off is annoying. The trailer hitting the dirt as you bounce along at 18 km per hour across the paddock is downright scary.

#153. Your new Smartphone and it's 12 volt car charger do not appreciate your trucks 24 volt cigarette socket.

#154. The dog that yaps all night stays silent in the yards.

#155. Never confuse your Iphone with your electric fence tester.


#156. The water runs out just as the fire jumps the break.

#157. The starter rope breaks just as the fire jumps the road.

#158. Always pack a spare starter rope and a 10 mm spanner.

#159. Try not to back into a tree when your wife's on the back of the fire unit.

#160. Don't be fooled by the sheep rubbing their backs under the electric fence. It still bites you.

#161. If God intended us to wean lambs, he'd have made sheep proof fences.

#162. If you're unsure as to whether you will get airsick in the chopper, take somebody you know who does with you. That way, the pilot be very gentle with them and you'll save face.

#163. Always remember you can set a chopper down anywhere. Which means when your "canary in the coal mine" passenegers want to bail, they can. And the pilot then makes up for how careful he has been.

#164. Hats make excellent airsick bags.

#165. If you bog a ute, you can only stop trying to pull it out once the second ute, your two tractors, the dozer and the neighbours tractor are all buried to the hilt.

#166. If you drive around with your 4WD hubs in, you'll never get look like getting bogged.

#167. If you drive around with your 4WD hubs out to save wear, you will bury the vehicle to the bonnet, making it impossible to put them in.

#168. A water trough in an unused paddock that has held water just fine all winter, will suddenly let go the day before the hottest day of summer. And it's the last one you check when the tanks empty.

#169. When cutting the poly pipe to length to fit in the joiner, be aware that the pipe shrinks after you cut it. Everytime. Keep a second joiner and short length of pipe handy.

#170. When pulling up at a closed steel gate, there are only two outcomes. You will either pull up too close so the gate won't quite swing past the roo bar, or you will pull up so far away there is no chance of getting back in the vehicle and driving through before the wind blows it closed again.

#171. There is nothing funnier than watching somebody dance back and forth trying to close two unevenly hung gates that each swing back open before they get the second one closed.

#172. There is nothing more annoying than dancing back and forth trying to close two unevenly hung gates that each swing back open before you get the second one closed.

#173. It is impossible not to make a mess with molasses.

#174. The more "experts" at a fire, the less is achieved.

#175. When filling the 1000 litre fuel trailer from the 4000 litre overhead fuel tank, never leave it unattended. The minute you do either hose falls out or you forget about it.




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5 comments:

CountryMouse said...

LOL 171 and 172 ... been there before ... in the mud is so much more fun to as you run and slip after each gate.

Anonymous said...

being a famers daughter,i started to read your rules from "another text book famers lament" point of veiw.Happy to be proven wrong, lmfao.so right and so true thanks for the walk down memory lane.

Anonymous said...

I think you should put all these in a book. I'll be # 1 waiting to buy it!

ehills said...

Oh fantastic! Love the whole series you have done, and definitely needs to be a coffee-table book!

alifeworthliving said...

Cocky's gates (or bogan gates, claytons gate, wire gates etc), are an IQ test for the uninitiated.