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Saturday 20 August 2011

Golden Rules of Farming. - Part 1

 The longer I work the more I realise that Murphy was probably a farmer. These are all based on experiance and in no particular order.

#1. A windmill winch that worked perfectly fine in the shed fails to work after the 24km trip to the broken windmill.

#2. The same winch works perfectly again once back in the shed.

#3. Windmills that work all year break on New Years Eve in 45 C degree heat.

#4. Windmill ladders have been perfectly designed to use the least amount of steel possible (seriously how hard is to put a decent ladder on them?)

#5. A deaf sheepdog's hearing improves remarkabley when you pick up a waddi.

#6. Touching the end of a jigger is not the best way to see if it works. It is however the best way to make someone fall off a stock truck laughing.

#7. Beware the jiggers that keep a shot up the spout lest you brush your arm as you climb the stock truck. Then let go in pain.

#8. Cropping cockies do not know how to shut a gate.

#9. Livestock farmers are paranoid about gates and shut every bloody one even if there is only one mob on the farm.

#10. Only the best dogs get run over. The useless ones live a long and happy life.

#11. When performing any cropping operation such as seeding, spraying or spreading, the last paddock will have only one of two outcomes. You will run out of product with one hectare to go. Or, you will run out of paddock with about five tonnes of product left.

#12. Stock in a paddock will spend all day in the furtherest corner of a paddock away from the gate, until you go through and leave it open cos you'll be back in 5 minutes. By which time they have walked out the open gate.

#13. The very same stock will refuse to go through the very same gate if you try to make them.

#14. Busty rousabouts and low cut tops are a shearing shed hazard which Worksafe needs to address.

#15. Pet sheep are the most vicious ones. Do not turn your back on them.

#16. You can have your spare tyre floating about the back of the ute for months, but the day you decide to stow it under tray is the day you get a flat.

#17. Everything breaks on a Friday afternoon.

#18. Freight is always late on a Monday morning. Just how late depends on how badly you need it.

#19. Sales Reps always arrive when you are doing stockwork and have a knack for standing in the wrong place.

#20. The spotter in the mustering plane/chopper cannot see rocks and bumps, therefore wonders why it takes so long for the bikes to arrive at the stock.

#21. The bike musterers cannot see turbulance and wonder why the pilot is green when he lands.

#22. North, West, South and East are constants. They do not change relative to your position. ("Is that my North or your North?"......."Sorry?")

#23. If your property has paddocks which sound similiar, be absolutely sure the plane and the bikes are heading in the same direction. "Wadjanong then?" "Yep Warbajong." "Righto." "Where the hell are you?"

#24. Optimism is not always a virtue. A 60foot airseeder bar will not fit through a 58 foot gap.

#25. Kiwi stands for KAN I WRECK IT? And yes. Yes they can. (Apologies to NZ readers, but I've had some bad experiances.....)

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Becky said...

All very true points. I could add that it won't rain for a month until the kids finally convince you to pack a full picnic and head out for the day, then it pours.

Alison Fairleigh said...

Hahaha .. absolutely love it Michael. Have shared this post on Twitter and can't wait for Part 2.

Jacqui said...

What about: Yarding and drafting a mob of steers after Christmas lunch because the agent has a truck booked for Boxing Day. (No sign of the agent either - he's enjoying a nice relaxing day with his family).
Absolutely loving this blog - on my favourites list and can't wait for the next instalment!

Sally said...

Good one! Brought back some funny memories of our own! And love it that the good ol windmill is at the bloody top. Yes, pulling a windmill at Christmas or NY is something that seems to happen often here too. :)

Alison Fairleigh said...

Just a quick update Michael to let you know this blog post has been shared and re-shared many times today on both Facebook & Twitter. Keep up that GREAT WORK :)

David Ricardo said...

Like #8 Michael. I'm a cropping cocky. Your blog is off to a great start. Bookmarked. Cheers David

Justin Matthews said...

Haha love it,
There's always- Pack a spare pair of Overalls when preg testing because you can be guaranteed that three heifers in she has just relieved herself all down the front of them.........

alifeworthliving said...

All very true, although with #10, when you hop into your mates 'tilly, don't ask about the old collar lying at your feet.

Alicia climent said...

Nice and educational post about farmimg was just looking to the exact information given here and I Internal factors depend upon the kind of mercantilism appropriate to the farm.