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Thursday 29 November 2012

Golden Rules of Farming Part 9

These ones took a while, until I stumbled upon the idea of asking Twitter for help. Why it took so long to ask I have no idea, but judging by the replies, the next 25 should be up in about twnety minutes. Maybe.

201. By the time you yell "COME BEHIIIIIIIIIINNNNND!!!!!" the damage is already done.

202. By the time you can taste the dead goat in the house well, it's too late.

203. It's a good idea to test the lifting capacity of the ute winch before being lowered down the well on a bosuns chair.

204. Never underestimate the gripping power of clenched buttocks on the bosuns chair.

205. The less expensive the guard that you fail to notice has worn away, the more expensive the part it was protecting.

206. The mechanics of the square bale knotters are voodoo. Evil dark magic which only 70 year old farmers understand.

207. When parking the hay mower next to the house in the crop, it pays to check for sleeping pets before starting again.

208. Solar panels, during the day, have no off switch. Remember this when wiring in the pump.

209. When auguring grain or sheep pellets, no matter where you stand, the resulting itchy, sneezey dust will always blow towards you.

210. Nothing is more annoying than an intermittent fault.

211. After a full day of working over a thousand sheep, somewhere in the last ten is the one that will injure you.

212. The person helping hold the sheep while you vaccinate is surprisingly unappreciative when they get a free protection against 5 different cloistral diseases plus B12 and selenium boosters. Ungrateful sods.

213. The person helping hold the sheep while you vaccinate is even more ungrateful about their second free protection against 5 different cloistral diseases plus B12 and selenium boosters.

214. It's hard to vaccinate sheep without someone helping to hold.

215. Stud stock, pets and horses only require veterinary assistance on Sundays, and then only at night.

216. Dorpers were not introduced to Australia, they merely escaped South Africa.

217. Dorper, when translated from Afrikaans, means "Fence, what fence?"

218. The best way to contain a Dorper is a freezer.

219. If you have never done a days dry seeding or stock work in dusty yards, then blown your nose, looked, and said "Looks like a feed of raw oysters," you're not a real farmer.

220. Jobs where extra hands are required like lamb marking, crutching or shearing must always be done on school holidays.

221. Kids born on farm are exempt from child labour laws.

222. Always assume the electric fence is on.

223. Always know where your hammer / crowbar / adjustable spanner is. (Thank you @andanin)

224. Petrol cars and wheat stubble should never ever meet. (Thank you @crystalmudford)

225. The strength required to undo/do up any given nut or bolt will be inversely proportional to the quality of the tool available (Thank you @gimmeahandle)       

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Jules said...

Thank you, what a funny man you are. Well done and thanks for the chuckle. Oh, and too right, EVERY time a horse has taken a belly ache it's been at 5pm so in kicks the over time, travel time and huge bill!

alifeworthliving said...

At #223... especially so if it happens to be a 43.C day as crowbars, pliers, pickets etc, have a unique way of melting into hands.

farmerswifeintraining said...

Im currently in the harvester with the bf, after reading out number 212 he almost crashed the harvester into the fence from laughing so hard! And don't worry, he's had his yearly jab of 6SB12.