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Sunday 6 May 2012

Golden Rules of Farming Part 8

176. Never in your box of water fittings is just the one right sized joiner to fix a leaky pipe. You must use at least 5 fittings to create a metre long monstrosity that costs more than replacing the entire pipe.

177. In your many boxes of various nuts & bolts, there are only two sizes. Too big and too small.

178. Nothing tastes as good as the neighbours grass.

179. It is impossible to stay dry when fixing water leaks.

180. If you plan to fix a water leak and the short in the electric fence on the same afternoon, do the fence first. Wet boots makes for good sparks.

181. Nothing wrecks your day like wire round the tail shaft. And it's always in the prickliest, thorniest most double gee infested part of the paddock.

182. A sheepdog only leans on your back on the motorbike after he's had a swim in the trough.

183. During a shearing power failure, the shearer who complains about the noisy generator dials his stereo up to 11 when the power comes back on.

184.  Shearing shed teams are powered by high decibel pop music.

185. The rousey filling the reverberating shearing shed can never understand why the sheep won't run in.

186. Leaving feed bags, half full chaser bins, open silo lids and the like out in open weather does nothing to make it rain when you want it to.

187. The other dogs tucker always tastes best.

188. Nothing moves faster than sheep heading to a gate they know is supposed to be closed.

189. The missing spanner in the set is the one you always need.

190. Screwdrivers are handy for removing unwanted flesh from palms.

191. Too much horsepower is never enough

192. Five minute jobs invariably aren't.

193. A temporary fix usually lasts for years

194. It is not advisable to substitute fuse wire with fencing wire.

195. The ute you leave parked in the sun for three days will have a mouse die in it four days earlier.

196. No number of scented car fragrance trees will cover the smell of four day old baked dead mouse.

197. The more land burnt and dry seeded, the stronger the pre frontal winds before the winters first rain.

198. It makes life alot easier for the dogs if you remove some of the collected parts, tools and rubbish off the back of the ute before you chase down a sheep in the paddock.

199. The quickest way to increase your equity is to find a kind hearted land valuer.

200.Never ever look at the next days grain prices after you have sold your grain at what you thought was a good price the day earlier.

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GB said...

I love 193 ... We have a gate which my grandfather did a Temporary Ted and fixed it in the late 70's. 30 years later and the wire is still the same. Not on the water run road or I may have whinged more to get it fixed.

I recently was award the Liebster Blog Award. I have mentioned your blog as one of my 5 in the following post.

Keep posting I love reading :)

CountryMouse said...

Hi, I am passing onto you the Liebster Award. Thank you for sharing about life on the land and your wonderful wisdoms in the Golden Rules of Farming. So many have made me laugh or remember similar experiences.

Jacana said...

Love the rules. I can especially relate to 177 whilst 191 is my husband all over.
Thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

Just found your blog and the rules. Great job. If I may add another rule: "the ugliest animal will always stand at the front of the mob when the agent is taking photos!".